oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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