So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
