your parents love me but you hate me
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
