You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
