look no pants
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
