It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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