I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize