Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
