...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
