ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
