grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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