I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize