why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize