I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Randomize
