So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
