U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
