i wish peter jackson would direct porn
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
