last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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