The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
It's just like the Real World with babies
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
