hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Someone signed my nipple.
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