Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
smell my finger.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
