saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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