i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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