At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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