I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
