Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
