You smell like stripper and shame
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
