I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
