sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
