ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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