I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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