I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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