You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
