cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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