it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
She said her name was "party"
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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