last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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