can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
