Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Quick, to the slutcave!
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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