Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
