My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
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