where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
She bit a glass in half.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
