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They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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