is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
