i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
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