Define "chronic" masturbator.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
