PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
