Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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