totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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