The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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