wanna go halves on a baby?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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