I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
