What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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