She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
