i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
