You smell like stripper and shame
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize