You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
