I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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