how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Randomize