Don't EVER smell your tampon
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize