I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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