Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
