I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
