No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
