What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
