i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
