Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
