...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
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