God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize