Will you blow on my dice?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
