I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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