i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Randomize
