At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
