i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
