Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
zippers are such a cool invention
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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