i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
