i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
