you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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