Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
