I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
