If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
