I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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