Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
