i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
