I cannot find my penis.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize