We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Drunk is not a location!
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
