Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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