i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
