i dedicated my morning wood to you.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
