seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Randomize