he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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