Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
