How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
