I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
