you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
