Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
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