you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Randomize
