Im at strip club and am horny
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize